I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
