I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
