Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
