We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
