I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
