Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
