so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
