Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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