i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
