Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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