I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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