girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
