Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize