Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
