If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
