there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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