Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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