You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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