I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
