First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
