Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
This is not my ceiling
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
