Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
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AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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