Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.