I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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