Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.

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  (512): Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out. http://tfl.nu/0209
  Replies (32) Good night (748) Bad night (4446)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.

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  (616): it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor. http://tfl.nu/agj1
  Replies (20) Good night (756) Bad night (4413)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.

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  (973): UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to. http://tfl.nu/mbqt
  Replies (26) Good night (5920) Bad night (1307)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention

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  (845): Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention http://tfl.nu/alzz
  Replies (9) Good night (4297) Bad night (1308)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.

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  (719): tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me. http://tfl.nu/76by
  Replies (17) Good night (4361) Bad night (1156)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.

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  (702): Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home. http://tfl.nu/nbuo
  Replies (3) Good night (908) Bad night (3134)
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  (661): View more from California

  u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom

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  (661): u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom http://tfl.nu/4j5d
  Replies (10) Good night (3419) Bad night (1015)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...

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  (360): Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated? (903): Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake... http://tfl.nu/fy7y
  Replies (6) Good night (2516) Bad night (684)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.

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  (917): I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to. http://tfl.nu/px3a
  Replies (6) Good night (1980) Bad night (918)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.

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  (775): They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy. (1-775): I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere. http://tfl.nu/3byv
  Replies (6) Good night (2301) Bad night (623)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh 

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  (773): Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh  http://tfl.nu/ikbu
  Replies (3) Good night (763) Bad night (1508)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed

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  (330): He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed http://tfl.nu/pn7a
  Replies (4) Good night (1043) Bad night (600)
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  (415): View more from California

  That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.

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  (415): That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist. http://tfl.nu/yn2x
  Replies (12) Good night (398) Bad night (2393)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French

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  (703): All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French http://tfl.nu/pm1m
  Replies (4) Good night (691) Bad night (264)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help

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  (317): Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help http://tfl.nu/67cm
  Replies (1) Good night (632) Bad night (331)

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