It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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