I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.