Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.