I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The uberlube is also flammable
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way