Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
