Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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