You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
