getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
