my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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