Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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