It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
