final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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