I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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