Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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