Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
