seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Damn victory sex feels great
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
