I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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