Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.