tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"