I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
