I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
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redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
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This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no