Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER