It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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