hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
