Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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