i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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