According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
