Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize