Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
