Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
