a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
