We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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