A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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