I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
