Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
