Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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