look no pants
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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