yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
