there was a trapeze. enough said
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
