My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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