She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
