Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
