dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
