You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
